


The Dastardly Pollen Strikes Again

by sarahgirl1998



Category: Wacky Races
Genre: Allergies, Comedy, Gen, Humor, Sneezing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 18:06:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13105668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahgirl1998/pseuds/sarahgirl1998
Summary: Dick Dastardly continues to suffer from his pollen allergies.





	The Dastardly Pollen Strikes Again

Dick Dastardly was at the wheel in the Mean Machine, his sidekick Muttley sitting next to him. They were returning home from another race that they had entered. And they had lost, once again. Every race they competed in ended in the same way: they would try and cheat their way to victory, only for their scheme to backfire in some way, leaving three of the other Wacky Racers to get to the finish line first. Dastardly saw that as the bane of his life, but he doubted Muttley felt the same way. Aside from messing things up, all the mutt did was snicker unsympathetically at his master's misfortune.

Dastardly sniffled slightly and rubbed his nose with his fist. As if this day hadn't been bad enough, his allergies were bothering him. The air was filled with pollen, and even though it couldn't be seen - at first, at least - it was bothering Dastardly's hay fever to no end. His nose was frequently twitching, and his nostrils often grew to a couple times their normal size. It felt like there was a perpetual tickle in his nasal passages, and it was growing every second.

"Haah.." Dastardly tilted his neck back as his breath hitched. His nose continued to quiver, but his nostrils started to flare up to a larger size than they already were. "Aaaaaah, haaaaaah--"

Before he could release the sneeze, however, Dastardly shoved his forefinger under his nose for a few seconds. It seemed to work, but his nose still felt itchy, and he still had a sneezy-looking expression on his face.

"Ugh... this blasted pollen..." Dastardly muttered to himself.

He pulled his forefinger away from his nose, but the moment that he did, his nose started twitching again. He held his breath, trying to stave off the urge to sneeze for as long as he could, but it wasn't working as well as he thought it would. He kept trying, but after a few seconds, his breath started to hitch again, louder this time.

"Haaaaaaaah... HUUUUUUUUUH..." Dastardly inhaled as he tilted his neck backward.

This time, however, Muttley heard his inhales and turned to look at him in curiosity. His eyes widened and pupils shrunk with realization and fear as he realized full well what was going to happen. To help Dastardly out, Muttley reached his paw over to his face and shoved his forefinger right under his nose.

"Aaaaaaaaaah... AaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHH..." Dastardly kept inhaling, however. Muttley was trying his best, but the urge to sneeze was getting stronger and stronger, past the point where it could be successfully stopped. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH--!"

Knowing that it wasn't working, Muttley hastily pulled his paw away from Dastardly's nose and ducked down, covering his ears with his paws. Dastardly slammed the brakes with his foot, bringing the Mean Machine to an abrupt stop. He then tilted his neck as far back as he could as his schnoz rumbled and nostrils grew and shrunk constantly.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Dastardly shot his enter upper body forwards as he released the sneeze, which was loud enough to cause the entire Mean Machine and the ground to shake. A good amount of saliva was released from his mouth, and a good amount of mucus was blasted out of his nostrils. Upon recovering, Dastardly hastily ran his fist under his nose, but it was still tickling madly. He needed to sneeze again, and he was a bit too late to hold it back. So all he could do was pull his fist away from his nose and tilt his neck back, his breath hitching once again.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah... Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

A massive explosion occurred around Dastardly as he released a second sneeze, which was even bigger, louder and worse than the one before it. Aside from causing the ground to shake for a little longer than it just did before, every part of the Mean Machine was blown straight off, except for the car seats that the Double-Zero Duo had been sitting upon. Spray and mucus were released from Dastardly's mouth and nose, and by the time the force of the sneeze had subsided, mucus was streaming down his nose. Dastardly sniffled loudly and rubbed his nose with his forefinger, looking defeated.

"Ugh, drat," he said to himself, audibly.

Muttley looked up at Dastardly, reached behind his back and gave him a box of tissues. "Gesundheit," he told him.

With his forefinger under his nose, Dastardly pulled a couple sheets of tissue out from the box and blew his nose loudly. The mucus was cleared from the outsides of his nose, but a good amount was still remaining in his nasal passages. So after he was finished blowing, Dick wiped his nose, continuing to sniffle.

"Ugh, every spring with this..." he said, out of anger. "I'd almost rather keep losing at races than losing to my allergies!"

Muttley placed his paw over his mouth and did his iconic snicker. Dastardly glared at him, not amused at first, but then sighed to himself in despair. Could these allergies get any worse? Well, given how much he had already been through, it wouldn't be surprising if they could.


End file.
